What Happens When You Are Kind to Yourself

Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love - Brene Brown

I wish I had been given this advice when I began my career. I was so relentlessly harsh towards myself, but I was unaware of how negatively impactful it was on my wellbeing.

Most professionals, myself included, pride themselves on being committed, capable, and conscientious. We work hard, care deeply, and want to make a difference.

But too often, we leave ourselves out of the equation.

We speak kindly to colleagues, offer empathy to the people we support, and extend patience to others. Yet when we stumble or fall short, we turn inward with criticism.

One of the most overlooked ways to reclaim our energy and purpose is through self-compassion.

“Practising self-compassion is crucial for mitigating the impacts of perfectionism and self-criticism… Being kinder to oneself reduces stress and prevents burnout.”

What does self-compassion actually look like?

Self-compassion is not about lowering standards or avoiding growth. It’s about how we relate to ourselves when things are hard. Kristin Neff, a leader in the field, describes it as having three essential elements:

• Mindfulness – Noticing your struggles and emotions without ignoring or exaggerating them.

• Common humanity – Recognising that imperfection is part of being human. You are not alone when things are difficult.

• Self-kindness – Responding to your own challenges with the same care you would offer a friend or colleague.

  In practice, self-compassion sounds like:

  “This is tough right now.”

  “Others would find this challenging too.”

  “I’m doing the best I can.”

  It’s about being on your own side.

Why this matters

Harsh self-talk shrinks capacity

Your inner critic may sound like it’s keeping you sharp but it’s actually making things harder.

That voice that says “you should be coping better” or “you’re letting people down” does not motivate. It depletes. Holding ourselves to unreasonable standards wears us down, impacts performance, and limits creativity.

You are part of a system.

The way you treat yourself affects those around you.

When leaders or team members role model self-compassion - like owning mistakes without spiralling, setting boundaries calmly, or speaking with kindness about a tough day - it sets a powerful tone. It gives others permission to do the same.

In workplaces where self-awareness and kindness are normalised and valued, trust grows and people are more generous with each other.

Practicing kindness

While it’s tempting to respond by pushing through, burnout rarely resolves with more hours, more effort, or more pressure.

One of the most powerful protective factors isn’t working harder - it’s relating to yourself with more kindness and perspective.

Practical ways to practise self-compassion:

• Start with language. Notice your self-talk. Would you speak that way to a valued colleague? If not, it’s time to change the tone.

• Acknowledge what’s been done. Shift focus from the never-ending to-do list to what’s been achieved. It helps reset perspective.

• Pause and check in. Take 2 minutes to breathe, stretch, or step outside. These small acts protect your mental and emotional reserves.

• Use grounding practices. Breathing, movement, journaling, nature. Make space for regular self-connection.

• Protect your energy. Set boundaries around your time, your attention, your expectations.

• Use external supports. Supervision, peer support, and reflective practice are vital.

The impact goes further than you think.

Self-compassion helps you sustain your role but it also supports those around you. When we are kinder to ourselves, we become steadier, more generous, and more reflective in our care for others. Clients feel it. Teams notice. Leaders become more grounded.

As one participant in a recent workshop shared:

“Learning to be kinder to myself made all the difference. When I stopped beating myself up, I found I could actually cope better with the daily challenges.”

Further Insight

Self leadership is critical …….if you would like to enhance your self- awareness, self leadership and self-management skills and develop strategies for increasing personal autonomy, please join and register to attend my free webinar on Monday, 6 October, 4pm - Why do we need Self-Leadership now - Navigating change with clarity and confidence

Please Contact me if you are interested in discussing how I can develop a customised training program for your workplace.