What to Consider Before You Give Feedback
We often think the difficult part of giving feedback is finding the right words.
How should I raise this? How direct should I be? What if the person I am speaking with disagrees? What if the conversation becomes uncomfortable?
These are reasonable things to consider. Feedback can feel exposing for the person receiving it and often for the person giving it too.
But some of the most useful work happens before we decide what to say.
By the time we decide that we need to give someone feedback, we may already have been thinking about the issue for some time. We may have noticed a behaviour more than once, felt frustrated by its impact or formed a view about why it is happening.
That can mean we arrive at the conversation with several things bundled together: what we have actually observed, what we think it means, how we feel about it and what we think the other person should do differently.
Taking a little time to separate these things can help.
It does not mean scripting every word or waiting until we can guarantee a perfectly comfortable conversation. It simply means getting clearer about what we have noticed, why it matters, and what we hope the conversation might achieve.
Before your next feedback conversation, try asking yourself these four questions.
1. What have I actually observed?
Start by separating what you have observed from what you have interpreted.
They don't seem committed to the team is an interpretation.
They have arrived late to the last three team meetings describes something you have observed.
They aren't communicating well is a broad interpretation that could mean many different things.
They made a decision that affected the team's work without discussing it with the people involved gives you something specific to explore.
Our interpretations may turn out to be right, but starting with what we have actually seen or heard creates a much clearer foundation for the conversation. It also leaves room for the other person to provide information or a perspective we may not have considered.
2. Why does this matter?
Not everything we notice needs to become feedback.
Sometimes what bothers us is a difference in personality, preference or working style rather than something that needs to change.
Ask yourself: What is the impact here?
Does it affect another person, the team or the organisation?
Does it influence the quality of the work, team functioning or outcomes?
Is there an agreed expectation that is not being met?
Is there an opportunity to help someone recognise and build on something they are doing particularly well?
If it is difficult to explain why something matters, it may be worth considering whether feedback is actually needed.
3. What do I hope will be different after this conversation?
Feedback is more useful when we are clear about what we hope it will achieve.
Perhaps there is a behaviour that needs to change. Perhaps you want to reinforce something the person is doing well. You may want to help them recognise a strength, develop a skill or understand the impact of something they have done.
Or perhaps you don't yet know what needs to be different because you need to understand their perspective first.
That is useful information too.
Sometimes the first step is simply to understand what is happening before deciding what needs to change. Sometimes the purpose of feedback is to open a conversation that helps both people understand what is happening and work out what is needed next.
4. Am I ready to approach this conversation constructively?
Finally, check in with yourself.
Are you clear about what you want to discuss?
Are you carrying frustration from other things that have happened?
Have you waited so long that several different issues are about to come out at once?
And importantly, are you ready to listen as well as speak?
Feedback is a conversation between two people. Doing a little reflection before we ask someone else to reflect can help us approach that conversation with greater clarity, curiosity, and purpose.
Before your next feedback conversation
Ask yourself:
What have I actually observed?
Why does it matter?
What do I hope will be different?
Am I ready to have this conversation constructively?
Constructive feedback does not begin with finding the perfect words.
It begins with being clear about what we have noticed, why it matters, and what might be useful to explore together.
Want to read more?
Amy Edmondson’s The Fearless Organization explores how psychological safety influences our willingness to speak openly, ask questions and engage with feedback. It offers a useful perspective on how leaders can create the conditions for feedback conversations that support learning, trust and professional growth.